Dating In Texas: New York VS Houston.

Men in Texas are different from those in New York.

On Chivalry:

In Texas, chivalry is king.  Men open doors, pull out chairs, stand when you walk into the room,  wait for you to seat before sitting down et al.  So if you love all those, then Texas is where you need to be.

Race Relations:

Houston is a hodge podge of different races.  But, I have seen more mixes within the Spanish/Mexican community than really any other community here.  But in New York, every race has an equal opportunity of dating another race.   Of course, when you add religion to the mix, then it becomes interesting.

External factors:

If you are someone who is more interested in internal factors rather than the external, then you might find that New York men might be slightly better.  For example,  in Houston, you really should not consider taking anyone seriously, if you do not have a job. Working is very integral to the Houstonian – so it is not rare to find individuals with Masters degrees working as an agent (cashier) or truck driver  (these are jobs for those with a GED or a high school certificate.  I will discuss Texas/USA and its underemployment  culture at a different time). Having a job makes you more date/relationship worthy.  This holds true for men and women. In New York,  a person who is interested in you looks at your employment the least. Maybe,because in New York you are either “looking for a job, an apartment or a new boyfriend” a la Carrie Bradshaw.

Support:

New York men are more supportive of who you are at where you are. Now, do note that you cannot be ‘lazy’ in your process.  You have to actively seek, show proactiveness, and be moving.

Sex:

I think men in Houston are more willing to wait.  I really do not know if it is because this is part of the Bible belt but here, men take their time to get to know you.  In New York, sex is free.  ( For clarity, watch Sex and the City). Sex is something you get out of the way and then focus on getting to know a person.   Either way, wear a condom.

 

Role Playing:

I think New Yorkers are more open to women not being traditional or typical. New York women have no constraints on who they should be.  They are whoever they want to be that day and men are used to that.  Houston, women are kind of constrained.  They have to be ladylike aka meek, soft spoken, gentle, with knowledge of the womanly arts *roll eyes*.

So that’s it?  If given a choice who will I date?

Actually, I am looking to date a man from Pluto.  *cheeky grin*

In summary, these are the steps to take if you want to date in Houston:

a) Get a job.

b) Join a meetup or any organization that brings together like-minded people.

c) Leave your house and go out.

d) Let people know that you are interested in dating. Houston is like a village with everyone all up in your business.

d) Be open.

e) Enjoy yourself.

 

 

 

Advertisements

Making Friends In Texas

A truth that many will agree with is that as one gets older, it becomes more difficult to make friends.   But, what do you do when you find yourself in a new town with no friends?  How do you go about making new friends?  Do you even bother?  What of if you are an introvert?

I really do not know if I have friends in Texas but I do know that there are a couple of people here that I can ask their opinions and expect a somewhat honest answer.  How did I do it?

a) By being myself.  One of the joys of getting older is that it becomes easier to become who you are because you really do not care.  You  believe that those who like you will,  and those who don’t will fall to the side.

b)By pursuing my own interest: Pursuing a hobby that you love provides an opportunity to meet people of similar interests.  Sometimes, saying hello leads to something deeper.

c)Work relationships:  One of the positives of working in crappy positions is that you meet with different people and gain a different perspective.  Some of these work friendships continue after the work day is over.

d) Loving yourself: you might find out that you actually prefer your own company to the company of others.  Introvert issues (finding that constant interaction with people leaves you tired).  If that is the case, own it and pursue fun activities on your own.   It isn’t a crime to travel, explore the city or check out a new restaurant on your own.

Disclaimer:

It is important to know who and why someone is in your life. Ensure that only authentic people are allowed into your circle. This ensures you do not get hurt.  Warning:  These are the reasons that some might want to be your friend. a) They want to get something from you. b) They want to copy you.  c) They want to have a front row seat to watch you fall on your face. Understand this ,and don’t be scared to refuse to engage, if you think that  you are dealing with someone who isn’t truly genuine.   When you have the right people around you, things often end up working out the way they should.

Take away message:  it is always great to make friends but it is more important to be your own best friend and advocate.

Surviving In Texas.

Houston is a city in which networking pays.   It is very possible to see someone who has never had a job, gain access to a job in which he/she is trained to ensure that he/she has the professional skills necessary to be competitive.  You will see this occur repeatedly.

When I moved to Houston and started my program, I was coming in with more than a decade worth of experience working in the healthcare sector.  I came in with soft skills  that were and are easily transferable into different sectors in the healthcare continuum but it was as if my years working in New York was wiped off as if it  never existed. (At a point, I wondered if there was a conspiracy in place to bring me back to New York but then I had to tell myself to stop being paranoid).

This was troubling because I am someone who has always taken her work seriously and ensured that I put in my best,but, then I realized that in Houston,  it really isn’t about being intelligent, or the type of experience you have but who you know.   No, this is not about favor, for my religious folks.

How have I survived?

a) experience –  Most of the time I lived in New York, I was always dealing with multiple issues and this actually trained me to think worst case scenario and to work around that.

b) budget and expenses – you will have to pay close attention to your expenses and think of alternative ways to cut costs.  For example, rather than pay 33 dollars or so per month for the gym, look into what free services exists in your community, purchase cheaper gym tools and use them at home, join a meetup for sport activities etc.  Do the same for other needs.  Food – you might need to become a flexitarian, shop at the farmer’s market and explore foods from other regions that use less stuff. Housing – shop, shop and the list goes on.

c) staffing firms – I worked with several staffing firms in Houston, working several crappy jobs.    But, with staffing firms you have to be careful, some of these workplaces are very tricky.  They won’t tell the staffing firm, the position they want to have you working in, neither will they notify the staffing firms of what they want you to do. Do not stay in those places too long.  I learned that the hard way.

d)others have survived by using other skills they have – cooking, baking, making repairs, tutoring, selling items, babysitting etc.

But, to really survive in Houston, you need to learn how to network in person. This might get you that job with absolutely no qualifications whatsoever.  Being an introvert, this is a skill that I am still learning.